it's never easy to say goodbye

grandma passed away this morning, peacefully. she was an amazing woman and i will always admire and adore her. i have so many found memories of her. i don't remember grandpa much, i was too young to rember him when he died. she must be so happy to see him and her son robert :) i can't imagine how big her smile was as she saw them again for the first time. i know she is happy and free of pain. i am selfishly missing her because i wish i could have seen her one more time to tell her how much i love her and adore her.

This was a letter that I wrote to her as part of a Thanksgiving gift that the family gave to her last year in 2008: Grandma, you are an amazing woman. Ever since I was a little girl I have always looked up to you. You are so refined and are such a lady. My favorite memories of you are coming to your home in Madera during the summers and playing in your big backyard. I remember helping my Dad pick grapefruit from your tree and I will always and forever think of you when I eat a grapefruit (although I am sure you don't eat it sprinkled with powdered sugar like I do....) I remember climbing in the tree in the front and rollerblading all over your big driveway. I will always remember the red goblet and red 'You are Special' plate was your tradition and I will carry that tradition down into my family. I remember I remember I remember going out to the ranch and listening to my Dad's stories. How fun they were to listen to, full of fun adventures and hard work. I remember how sad I was when the ranch was sold. I remember going down into the cellar in your home and being so scared for some reason. I did not like going down there. One time we had everyone over at your house and all the cousins were sleeping in the big front room and I just remember how fun that was, being at our Grandma's house all together. Mauve pink will always be your color and I will always think of you when I see that color. I loved your pink bathroom :) I love you and I am so grateful to have you in my life. You are a strong woman and I am proud and thankful to be part of your family. I am strengthened by your strong testimony and the faith that you have. I love you SO much! Happy Thanksgiving.

I remember one summer we went to grandma's house to visit and I had a toe ring and my dad didn't like it at all but he knew his Mom would be disappointed so I remember taking it off before we saw her. She was such a lady. I remember the year she stopped dying her hair. It was such a beautiful snow white. I remember when she bought her last new car. I thought it was so pretty and nice. She barely drove it, it just stayed in the garage. I remember there being such a fantasy around the ranch, like it was a movie or a dream. Every time we went there my dad would tell us fun stories about roping down cattle or riding his horse. One thing I will always admire is the love and respect that everyone showed to grandma. She was and is loved and adored by all who knew her.

i love you grandma and grandpa and i am so happy you are finally reunited after 20 long years.